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Today I’m going to teach all you people how to become a social media guru. Long have the secrets of this mysterious profession remained hidden from the general population.

Well, all that is going to change because in less than an hour, YOU TOO can become a Social Media Guru!

Here is what you need to do:

1. Sign up for a Facebook account.

2. Sign up for a Twitter account.

3. Sign up for a Google Plus account.

4. Sign up for an Instagram account.

5. Sign up for a Flickr account.

6. Sign up for a Pinterest account.

7. Sign up for a YouTube account – no, wait, you’re a social media Guru, so this is already linked to your Google account!

8. Sign up for a Vimeo account.

9. Sign up for Tumblr.

10. Sign up for WordPress.com.

11. Create a blog post on WordPress and tumblr that let’s everyone know you’re in the social media game now. Link to all your other accounts.

12. Cross link all your other accounts with all your other accounts.

13. Repost all you content from one social network to another. If you’re really a pro, you’ll use a WordPress plugin that will aggregate all your data to these.

14. Go on reddit.com – steal anything that’s on the front page and claim that you “just found this cool link”.

15. Sign up for Klout.com – link all your accounts – achieve maximum Klout.

16. Start attending local tweetups, conferences and social media events. Tell everyone you’re an “expert” in social media. Make sure to take lots of pictures and tweet at these events.

17. Get a job at a local company who has no idea what social media is. This is usually a lumberyard or a hair salon. Create a Facebook fan page for them.

18. Buy an iPhone. If a new one comes out, buy that one as well. You’re on your way to being a full-blown guru.

19. Start wearing ironic t-shirts that tout your knowledge of social media.

20. Update your LinkedIn profile with your new title: “Social Media Guru”.